The Shaky Cam and Jason Bourne

Before, you had good actors in good stories, now they are pretty boys and girls filmed with a noobish shaky hand-camera drowned in an abundance of CGI, to confuse the audience into thinking they actuall watched a good movie. (And the occasional old guys making cameos, obviously needing the cash, very very badly.)  

So, instead of investing all its money into marketing ninjas trying to fix disastrously boring and endlessly repetitive movies, (yes, especially all the reboots and sequels) how about Hollywood investing in real writers, a bloody camera-tripod, and some optical image stabilisers again, for crying out loud!!! Because they are mistaking our dizziness and nausea when watching their lovelessly jotted products with excitement over a captivating story. All reboots are far worse than the most poorly written fan fiction I’ve ever read! Enough already! Hollywood makes Stephenie Meyer and E. James look like Shakespeare and Dickens these days, because they at least, stole from various sources, instead of just one, unlike all the reboot specialists trying to retell a story they never got in the first place. They are a bit like that annoying kid in kindergarten on Monday Morning, trying to recap saturdays Doctor Who episode for you, but all they got was this dude in a blue box went woosh, and boom and then he talked for a while, and boom, you know!? And I’m like: 😏🙄

yes, JJ, I’m looking at you, kid. But I digress again…

The first two Jason Bournes had spectacular stories written by a true master. The shaking and zooming were already hard to cope with, but at least the story, the choreography, character development, and pace was right, more than right it was innovative, fresh, sharp. The third still had a great story, but the shakiness and excessive use of extreme  closeups was on the knuckle.

 And then it went awry. Everyone had to use it constantly in every movie, in every scene!

The latter Bournes are just shaking all around with so many extreme zoom-ins and zoom-outs and zoom-ins and zoom-outs and a shake to the left and a shake to the right in every single scene you can’t even count them, not to talk of all the extreme closups, enough to scare every dermatologist, including Doctor Pimple Popper herself, to death. 
So please, stop it already! Every iPhone, and drone has steadycams optical stabilisers etc… on it, so just fucking use them all ready! 

The Wilhelm Scream stopped being an inside and thus funny joke after everybody started using it, now it’s just embarrassingly awkward. Like the moment your granny digs your jeans, when that happens, it’s time for a change in style, kiddo! And it’s the same with the Dramamine camera!


#JasonBourne #ShakyCamera #Hollywood #Boring